Reflections on SPLICE #1

(Our "backyard" at MTI. Rough living huh?)

It's been on my heart to write for some time now as there has been profound impact here in our training. I just haven't had the collective opportunity (energy, time, clear thoughts) to do so. Now, as H is with his Yaya and Papaw, and as J is off with friends for a while, I find myself with the time and energy to write. Clear thoughts? I hope so!

As someone who has been walking towards cross-cultural work for over a decade, it has been overwhelming to come to 'another' training only to find more treasures than all my years previous combined. I don't think the time was right until now, so I don't regret or see that I had missed anything previous. But I am so glad that we didn't shrug this training off just because we have had many other training modules in the past.

One major component that makes a difference with SPLICE is time. We have never taken three whole, continuous weeks to invest in examining our hearts, motivations, expectations, values, and so on when it comes to doing life cross-culturally. We've taken courses, read books, heard speakers, but taking this time and really considering the impact on us as individuals and as a family has had deeper impact.

What have we covered? Well, what haven't we covered! We have talked about culture shock, what we value, our conflict styles, adversity/suffering, grief and loss, managing stress, healthy family life, married/single and male/female issues for teams, kids, moral purity, solitude and Sabbath rest, and all of this with more of an emphasis on self-awareness, i.e. how do I think about such things, rather than a teacher teaching us what to think. Which do you think would be more difficult? One of the buzz phrases is "What You Don't Know will Enslave You, But What You Do Know You Can Grow" (or something like that). What they mean is the more I am self-aware the more opportunity I have to grow, but if I don't take the time to examine what I value or how I handle conflict, etc. I will never learn ways to grow in those areas.

My favorite part? I don't know. I have really enjoyed having five weeks with families and singles in the same stage of life 'career' wise as I am. It has helped tremendously as I wrestle with who I am and my role in our work. We don't have to explain why we want to do what we do or calm people who might worry it will be dangerous, or even answer the question, "Are you taken H with you?" There is a huge comfort and safety zone here that is not always in place when we are at home.

One thing I have heard from the Lord here has been that I must take the initiative in building deep friendships and being vulnerable and open. I have to step out in this capacity if I want to receive the same kind of relationship. I have seen here the great benefit of doing so. I have made dear friends that will come with me as I will go with them to the ends of the earth. However, I am also beginning to grieve more deeply the loss of their constant companionship here trading it for long-distance contact and it hurts!! I hurt deep down to lose new friends and it would be easy to put up a wall in future friendships to avoid hurting again. This pattern of friendship is going to be characteristic of our lives because of the nature of the work we have chosen. So, do I choose to give only small pieces of myself in relationship as 'protection' since they may not be a constant, or do I choose to embrace the pain of loss and learn the beauty that comes with giving fully in spite of losing? I really think Jesus' example is the latter. He gave all of Himself, ALL, and loved fully. He knew His time was short, and He did begin to draw away alone, but it never changed His passionate love for His companions. Even after He was resurrected He gave Himself fully. Even after His friend Peter denied Him three times He gave Himself fully. There was tons of pain involved, but it produced a love, a care, a compassion unlike any other. Oh, it is painful. I hate goodbyes. But I want to embrace that pain because underneath is such a truer, deeper love and affection for people. I want that. If it costs me, so be it. It's worth the cost.

Other buzz phrases: 'If you're not willing to change, DON'T GO.' 'If you do family right, you will do ministry right.' 'God is God. God is Good. God is Faithful.'

That's all my reflections for now. There's so much more, but I will post again later. Any feedback is welcome.