I hate goodbyes. I always have. I have a family that has always treated (most) goodbyes like they are no biggie as in, "Okay, well, I'll just see you later." See? No big deal! Last summer I was blind sided by goodbyes when we found out we had to leave Salem two weeks earlier than planned. I. Was. A. Wreck. I had no time to prepare, and I did not stop crying until, oh, October. But I'll tell you what it began for me. It began a journey of significant goodbyes. It began an awareness of how I say goodbye and why I say it the way I do (or don't). I realized I needed to think about changing my goodbye style because it just wouldn't do for our future goodbyes.
We are leaving August 26th for a long career (Lord willing) on other continents. Saying, "Okay, well, see ya later!" will dishonor those we are leaving behind. Shirking our responsibility to embrace this moment will only lead to more pain although it would seem in the moment we would be avoiding the pain of saying goodbye.
Why are goodbyes tough? Why do I avoid them? Oh, the pain! The loss! Acknowledging it together is so gut wrenching! What's the value? We just end up leaving anyway and everyone's a snotty mess. Today's training at MTI on healthy goodbyes one person said that we can find hope in goodbye times "knowing I was made to love this deeply." Selah, friends. Think about the profound goodness in that statement. It is so painful to lose someone or something like family or friends to a new and distant land. But, ooohhhh, the knowledge and feeling that I am loved this deeply and that I love this deeply, and that God loves this deeply and made me to love this deeply...it's a healing balm, a generous lathering of that healing balm on my heart.
When I avoid embracing goodbyes I lose touch with my own heart. I cut out the people who are hurting and minimize their grief. I cause them (and myself) to carry unresolved emotion. The value of goodbye is the intentional opportunity to say how much I love and value the people I am leaving. That our hearts are connected and we love one another, and it reminds me that those I love are His and not mine. I entrust them to the Father God who loves them even more and longs to be near them even more than I do! His example is so good. His design is that we be with Him and not apart, never having to say goodbye to Him. He is with us always.
Even as I go, I know you, dear friend, dear family, go with me. I believe if I don't say goodbye well I won't know that reality as deeply. What I want to extend as I leave is Shalom-an invitation to covenant with one another, seeking out God's highest, His intentions for you in every area of your life; your family, your work, your parenting, your ministry, your Sabbath rest, every area. I commit to help you in seeking God's highest. How can I come alongside and see this in your life? This is foundational in God's way. Even as I go, I desire to have a Shalom heart.
It costs to say goodbye. That cost honors those I am saying goodbye to. It's a process. It won't happen quickly at the airport. I won't happen in one day. They are harder for those left behind. But it is good. It is right. It is necessary for us as we leave to be released.
This post. This post right here makes me wish we had more time... It's as if you and I are stuck in an eternal hello/goodbye combination! A vicious cycle of "See!! I KNEW we'd make great friends!" and "UGH! Why aren't you in my life?!" and "I'm so thankful for the time we did have together." and then right back to "See!!"
ReplyDelete:)
Miss you dear friend. It's like a piece of my heart got chopped off and placed in you... But it's now on the other side of the ocean.