...And we're back.
We're approaching the end of our time in France. May 11th is my husband's last day in his MBA classes. Next up is an internship somewhere for at least two months. I want to be back in the States (if no other option becomes available) by my daughter's first birthday, June 19th. It's April 12th today. That means about two months left.
I haven't always liked it here. We weren't supposed to be here passed a year and now we're closing in on two. I never thought we'd live in France this long. But now...now I'm finally getting settled and it's just in time for us to leave.
I think I'm speaking French better. I know my way around. My 3 year old son is loving school and speaking French finally. I think I might have finally broken in to the circle of moms who pick up their kids at lunch when I pick up Henry. I like the food. I might have a friend or two. There is a nice rhythm to my days. Life is good.
But, it's over. Or at least it will be in two months. Then I go back to living in a place I'm not familiar with, I will have to build new routines, find my way around, break into another circle of moms, keep up my French and my son's French, and for under a year, probably under six months, and then...you guessed it...Take three! It's emotionally taxing to say the least.
As a woman I find it my unique burden. My husband's burden is to find a job and provide for our family. Mine is to create security, stability, and community by directing the affairs of our home. And I don't mean just doing laundry or washing dishes. I mean, I have to find the grocery stores, buy the groceries, create meals out of what I can find, bring it home while dragging two babies with me. I manage our activities, the children's learning, sleeping, playing; I find where the post office is, the bank, the best parks, hospital, doctors, pharmacy, internet...in a new place with a new language and a new system of 'how things work'.
It's not easy.
And I can't believe I will miss this place.
And I'm not sure I'll ever like the next one, whatever it is.
Even if it's 'home'.
Whatever that means.
HUGS!
ReplyDeleteIf somebody had told you ahead of time all that you would have to go through for the past 2yrs, do you think you would've thought you could handle it? But you've survived! And you're still nice people with cute kids and hearts pointing heavenward. Onward ho! (I'm cheering myself on here, too.) Did you ever hear that song, Onward Christian Soldier? It's very "can do". =)
Wow, you're a great writer, Megan. Thank you for sharing honestly your feelings. Oh, bless your heart! What you are doing is so hard to do once, let alone over and over again. I can't even imagine how you must feel at times. Hang in there and take solice in knowing that you would probably feel more turmoil in your soul if you weren't doing what you have been called and equipped to do. Wish I had words to ease your pain. <3
ReplyDeleteJeneen